Don't Shrink
Feeling small is exhausting. The last time I felt small was at a business luncheon. My table had executives from established businesses, and as an entrepreneur with an early-stage business, I felt out of place. When the attention turned to me, I felt myself shrink. Outwardly, my cheeks got warmer and redder as I talked. Inwardly, I fought with old demons from a lifetime of being told and treated like I was small1.
Regardless of who or what instigated it, I realize whenever I feel small and shrink, I also inadvertently diminish my own value and worth. I become less than whatever I’m measured against.
Hidden Costs
What I’ve internalized and believed was not only tiring and untrue, but also costly.
When I shrink, so does my business. Immediately, its value and worth also diminishes. What I do has a direct impact on my business. The ripple effect somehow became more apparent when it affected more than just me.
But a less obvious cost is that of emotional exhaustion. According to Lee & Ashforth’s longitudinal research2, emotional exhaustion is a core component of burnout. It’s a depletion of emotional resources and can lead to other kinds of burnout.
Self-compassion
I know myself well. I tend to ruminate and beat myself up — which helps no one, least of all me. So this time, I chose self-compassion. I forgave myself.
Feeling small and shrinking happened — but it doesn’t have to continue. I’m done with feeling small and shrinking.
I decided to stop.
Stop ruminating
Stop feeling less than
Stop shrinking
Instead, I changed course. With greater intention, I decided to start believing more in myself, regardless of how I appear to the world. I don’t need to underestimate myself because I know I can do great things. And the thing is, even if I don’t, that’s okay. I can do the small things, with great love - à la Mother Theresa.
What I Learned
We all believe in things that are not true and diminish our value and worth. Over time, the compounding effect is exhausting and costly. We can choose to stop.
Personally, it has never served me to feel small. Now it doesn’t serve my business either. When I don’t shrink, my business doesn’t shrink either.
Recently, I attended another business luncheon, this time, as a speaker. As I was getting ready to give my talk in front of female executives, I reminded myself: “Don’t shrink.”
And this time, I didn’t shrink.
🍃What about you?
What do you believe that’s not true, diminishing, and emotionally exhausting?
Jessica Hsieh is the founder/owner of Meaningful Rest, a rest coaching and sabbatical consulting practice. Meaningful Rest offers 1:1 rest coaching, transition/sabbatical consulting, talks, content creation, and seminars. Visit meaningfulrest.com.
Sheila Lirio Marcelo, “Asian, American, and proud to be both,” Boston Globe, August 30, 2025, “For too long, we’ve been taught to shrink: to soften our names, hide our cultures, and adapt to someone else’s version of belonging,” https://www.bostonglobe.com/2025/08/30/opinion/asian-american-identity/.
Raymond T. Lee and Blake E. Ashforth, “A Further Examination of Managerial Burnout: Toward an Integrated Model,” Journal of Organizational Behavior 14, no. 1 (1993): 3–20.